A Japanese Wedding...Aftermath

So, today I went to the wedding of one of my coworkers...or I thought I did anyway. The invitation said it was for a wedding and reception. However, when the bus of all the teachers got to the hotel, there was only a reception. I'm not sure if this meant that we were only invited to the reception, or that the teacher's just wanted to go to the portion that had booze...can't blame 'em if they did though. After giving a $200 wedding gift, I felt obligated to get my money's worth out of the open bar and chocolate fondue fountain.(Mmmm...chocolate covered...stuff...)

Fuck DJs! For my wedding
I'm getting a tribute band!

The reception was actually VERY nice. A large dining hall with 200+ guests and very expensive looking chandeliers hanging from the ceiling(At least now I know where all that wedding gift money went.) And, my personal favorite, Journey blasting on the speakers as the bride and groom entered in their traditional Japanese wedding attire. There is no time when Journey is not a good idea. Yep, everything was pretty classy...that is, until the guests started to present.

Now, I had been worried that our male techers were going to be getting naked for our presentation...luckily they didn't...because we were beaten to the punch. The VERY FIRST presentation was a video by 5 of the wife's male coworkers who take all of their clothes off at one point. That's exactly what I want to see at my wedding...Japanese guys' asses...(admittedly if it were girls I doubt I'd complain). How does the conversation go down between the newlyweds after seeing that, anyway?

Groom: "So...you wanna tell me something about those five guys you spend all your time with everyday...that just got naked for you at our wedding?"
Bride: "...No...?"
Groom: "Uh...huh..."
Bride: "..."
Groom: "Alright...I want a divorce."
Bride: "What? We're still in the middle of our reception!"
Groom: "Perfect!"
Groom stands up
Groom: "Sorry folks! Just kidding! We're not really married."
Crowd Gasps
Groom: "And...no...you will not get your wedding gift money back."
Crowd Double Gasps
Groom: "...Toodles!"

Seriously! In whose head is that appropriate for a wedding reception?! It's like they're showing her what she's missing out on in case she has second thoughts...Hell...That's exactly what they're doing! I would definitely have some issues with it if it were my wedding. At least the grooms' friends showed some class...some decency...some...hang on...why is Mr. Nakagawa in a skirt? Why is that guy wearing a beauty mask? Who in the HELL invited the Green Power Ranger and why is he in a speedo?!

"Alright guys...who stole my spandex?
This speedo is way too revealing."

...As you may have guessed, our presentation was rather...interesting...I actually felt embarassed that I was dressed so...normally...amongst them(I guess my Americanness was stranger than everything else). All of the teacher's from our school that came to the wedding got on stage in either full blown costume or just with a strange accessory(ie. The 10 inch gold bowtie). We stood in the background as select teacher's acted out a few hilarous events in the past year of how the groom had changed since meeting his bride-to-be. It was actually very original...but the costumes had absolutely no point. I'm starting to think that getting naked or looking like an idiot is a prerequisite to get onto that stage.(Possibly to make the bride and Groom look better. The bride never looked so beautiful...as when she was standing next to Green Speedo Ranger.) At least our students weren't there to see us...OH GOD! It's the students! Keep them away from the stage! I don't want the cops showing up!

Yes, our 9th graders came and sang for the newly wed couple in front of everyone. It was very nice actually...Too bad I am pretty sure they were forced to come. I feel bad for the kid on the end that was flat...now he's not allowed to graduate...

Mmmm...their endless
love tastes like grape.

And what could possibly bring this event to an appropriate end? How about the bride and groom handing out candy with their wedding photo on the wrapper...YES! Finally! It's the gift I never knew I NEEDED!

All in all, it was a very good experience. The only thing that could have made it better is if my girlfriend was there, too. Unfortunately, you are not allowed to bring dates to Japnaese weddings. And no dancing. God help you if you dance. *fist shaking*

...Although, she would not have been able to come, anyway, as she has had pneumonia for the past two weeks...
Get well soon!