Pneumonia sucks

Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you wanted to go outside your mom would yell "Put on your jacket or you're gonna catch pneumonia!" at you from the other side of the house? I believe this made many of us correlate being cold with catching pneumonia. Seemed like a logical assessment...and complete and utter crap.

As of two weeks ago, my girlfriend has been suffering from a case of summer pneumonia. When I heard this news I was shocked, dismayed, and dare I say a little scared...and one question was going through my head...

"You mean to tell me...that my parents have been LYING to me all these years?!"

Wasps...proof that God
is a sadist...

Summer pneumonia...that's like having a bee infestation in winter. I'm not supposed to have to worry about getting stung by a bee in winter...although, I will now...Do ya see what you've done Mom?! Now I'm gonna be afraid of bees all year. There will be no rest for me...And don't even get me started on wasps...Japanese wasps are the stuff of nightmares. Like 2 to 3 times the size of our American wasps...and 10 times as pissed!

...but i digress...

What else did my parents lie to me about? Is the Easter bunny fake? Is the Santa in the mall actually just a temp in a fat suit? Did my cat not really have his neck broken by our tennis ball machine?....Oh...that last one was true?

I miss you...um...tennis cat...

...

Great job, Dad! That's the time you decide not to lie to me?! I was 11! Clearly not ready to deal with nearly decapitated pets! I could no longer use the tennis court after this for fear that more than just tennis balls would come flying at me...

...but I digress...

...again...
...What was I talking about?

reads blog title

OH! Right! My girlfriend's pneumonia.

It's actually pretty sad. Mainly because I can't take care of her since she lives a couple hours away...and that, since she has not yet told her father about me, I cannot go to her house. I do really want to just bring her flowers and make her some soup or something, though.

Luckily, I did get to help her out for a couple days. She had come to visit me right before her fever spiked. That night I road my bike to a bunch of stores and bought her whatever she needed. I also kept replacing a wet towel I had put on her head to cool her down every 20 minutes or so. And she did get better pretty quickly...but a few hours later, the fever came back.

Since then she has been at her family's house trying to get over it, but it just won't go away. I can't understand it. She's eating healthy, drinking medicine and resting alot...except for when she goes to work, of course.

Hmm...what could possibly be prolonging her sickness?

As you may have guessed, going to work whilst having pneumonia is probably not helping her condition, as rest is a very important aspect of recovery. Unfortunately, in Japan people do not like to take off work when they are sick. Everyone has the feeling that they are doing something wrong when they don't go to work...even if it is so they can stay in bed to nurse a 101 degree fever.

I don't want to catch a computer virus.
Hahaha...
...What? It's funny...

It is actually extremely common to see people wearing surgical masks to work in order to prevent themselves from making their coworkers sick...and occasionally to keep themselves from being made sick by the people that refuse to stay home and get better. I honestly had to wonder when I walked into school during flu season whether or not I had actually walked into an episode of ER by mistake.(Who am I kidding? Even those guys'd never where masks. You don't hire George Clooney or Uncle Jesse just to cover up their faces...that's the moneymaker. Goose, on the other hand...)

Students are no different. If a student can stand(and given the number of students I've seen feint...in many cases this does not matter), he/she is going to school. I would not be down with that. I used to milk my sick days for all I could...didn't matter whether I was sick or not.

In any case, she seems to be getting better...albeit more slowly than I'd prefer...and I should be able to see her again this weekend. That is, of course, if she actually gets better by then...

A Japanese Wedding...Aftermath

So, today I went to the wedding of one of my coworkers...or I thought I did anyway. The invitation said it was for a wedding and reception. However, when the bus of all the teachers got to the hotel, there was only a reception. I'm not sure if this meant that we were only invited to the reception, or that the teacher's just wanted to go to the portion that had booze...can't blame 'em if they did though. After giving a $200 wedding gift, I felt obligated to get my money's worth out of the open bar and chocolate fondue fountain.(Mmmm...chocolate covered...stuff...)

Fuck DJs! For my wedding
I'm getting a tribute band!

The reception was actually VERY nice. A large dining hall with 200+ guests and very expensive looking chandeliers hanging from the ceiling(At least now I know where all that wedding gift money went.) And, my personal favorite, Journey blasting on the speakers as the bride and groom entered in their traditional Japanese wedding attire. There is no time when Journey is not a good idea. Yep, everything was pretty classy...that is, until the guests started to present.

Now, I had been worried that our male techers were going to be getting naked for our presentation...luckily they didn't...because we were beaten to the punch. The VERY FIRST presentation was a video by 5 of the wife's male coworkers who take all of their clothes off at one point. That's exactly what I want to see at my wedding...Japanese guys' asses...(admittedly if it were girls I doubt I'd complain). How does the conversation go down between the newlyweds after seeing that, anyway?

Groom: "So...you wanna tell me something about those five guys you spend all your time with everyday...that just got naked for you at our wedding?"
Bride: "...No...?"
Groom: "Uh...huh..."
Bride: "..."
Groom: "Alright...I want a divorce."
Bride: "What? We're still in the middle of our reception!"
Groom: "Perfect!"
Groom stands up
Groom: "Sorry folks! Just kidding! We're not really married."
Crowd Gasps
Groom: "And...no...you will not get your wedding gift money back."
Crowd Double Gasps
Groom: "...Toodles!"

Seriously! In whose head is that appropriate for a wedding reception?! It's like they're showing her what she's missing out on in case she has second thoughts...Hell...That's exactly what they're doing! I would definitely have some issues with it if it were my wedding. At least the grooms' friends showed some class...some decency...some...hang on...why is Mr. Nakagawa in a skirt? Why is that guy wearing a beauty mask? Who in the HELL invited the Green Power Ranger and why is he in a speedo?!

"Alright guys...who stole my spandex?
This speedo is way too revealing."

...As you may have guessed, our presentation was rather...interesting...I actually felt embarassed that I was dressed so...normally...amongst them(I guess my Americanness was stranger than everything else). All of the teacher's from our school that came to the wedding got on stage in either full blown costume or just with a strange accessory(ie. The 10 inch gold bowtie). We stood in the background as select teacher's acted out a few hilarous events in the past year of how the groom had changed since meeting his bride-to-be. It was actually very original...but the costumes had absolutely no point. I'm starting to think that getting naked or looking like an idiot is a prerequisite to get onto that stage.(Possibly to make the bride and Groom look better. The bride never looked so beautiful...as when she was standing next to Green Speedo Ranger.) At least our students weren't there to see us...OH GOD! It's the students! Keep them away from the stage! I don't want the cops showing up!

Yes, our 9th graders came and sang for the newly wed couple in front of everyone. It was very nice actually...Too bad I am pretty sure they were forced to come. I feel bad for the kid on the end that was flat...now he's not allowed to graduate...

Mmmm...their endless
love tastes like grape.

And what could possibly bring this event to an appropriate end? How about the bride and groom handing out candy with their wedding photo on the wrapper...YES! Finally! It's the gift I never knew I NEEDED!

All in all, it was a very good experience. The only thing that could have made it better is if my girlfriend was there, too. Unfortunately, you are not allowed to bring dates to Japnaese weddings. And no dancing. God help you if you dance. *fist shaking*

...Although, she would not have been able to come, anyway, as she has had pneumonia for the past two weeks...
Get well soon!

God Damn Spiders!



I think we need a bigger shoe...



Ah, September...

A time of students heading back to school, people finally giving their air conditioners a chance to rest...and motherfucking spiders EVERYWHERE!

While this might not be the case in America, in Japan, the end of summer until mid-fall is something I like to call the season of the arachnid. Or Arachner if you will(Arachnid + winter/summer...Clever, huh?). In any case, at this time of year spiders and their webs pop up in way too many places, WAY too quickly.

They always look so cool...until they're
wrapped around your skull, that is.

I parked my bike around 5pm yesterday and there was a rather impressive web connecting it to the nearest wall by this morning. Unfortunately, that spider is now homeless as I needed to get to school...although I would not be surprised if it has another web built across my front door by the time I get home.

I suppose one of the biggest problems is that I have to hang my clothes outside to dry...and I never know what I might be bringing back into the house with them. Oh...and the fact that since I am taller than 99.99% of the people in this country I walk face first into a spider web near daily. Which is quickly followed by the "OH MY GOD! It's in my hair!!!" dance...in a dignified and manly manner, of course.

What's funny is that when I came here, I could not stand to be around spiders. Now...well, I still can't stand 'em...but they have transformed from feared entities to annoying neighbors. But, luckily, I can tear these neighbors houses down without the cops giving me any trouble...don't need THAT experience again...

A Japanese Wedding

Hello, everyone.
Well...it's midterms week. Which of course means that I have a ton of free time. Seemed like as good a time as any to start a blog.(Also, my girlfriend recently started a blog that she is keeping secret from me...this is payback.)

For Japanese public school teachers, midterms can be a very exhausting week. The test making/grading can lead to some very long hours. I, being an assistant teacher, do not have to do any of that. Although, given how bored I get having no class all day, I'd definitely welcome it...as long as I still left on time.





They look so happy...



 Of course, this week is different than other midterms due to the fact that one of our faculty is getting married on Sunday. To be honest, I was very moved when I was invited...until I found out everyone in the office was...and that guests at weddings are expected to give about $200 in yen as a wedding gift. And that's for regular guests. The good friends are supposed to give upwards of $300 or $400. Luckily...we're not that close.

 

If we do do this...
I demand to be the middle one



In any case, after school everyday this week the faculty is reporting to the principal's office to prepare and practice the entertainmant for the wedding. Now, i don't know for sure what is happening, but I heard something about the guys getting naked...and given that this is japan...well, let's just say I wouldn't put it past 'em.

Because i need to go to elementary school in the afternoon, however, I told them just to let me know afterward what it is they want me to do...God help me...



But, in all seriousness, I am thoroughly looking forward to the event as it will be my first Japanese wedding...and, since I plan to ask my girlfriend to marry me before too long, it will be helpful in learning how these things work in Japan.